the sleep revolt

I have been blessed with sleep during my short eight year career as a mother. All four of my kids have napped well and slept through the night from infancy. I think God has been protecting my family with this extra measure of grace because I am a grumpy, irrational, emotional mess when I am tired.

This week, my baby stopped being the sound sleeper that afforded me such luxury as a mom. She woke up and was inconsolable for three hours, not once, not twice, but three nights in a row this week. Needless to say, this was a huge shock to my system. I managed the first night of unrest with ease. On good rest, an all-nighter is no problem for me, I can even perform my domestic duties the next day with usual efficiency. The second night of unrest was a little harder. I was less patient, less accommodating, and more agitated. I desperately wanted a nap the next day to refresh my system, but with four small children at home, my desire did not manifest into reality. By the third night of what is now referred to as “The Sleep Revolt,” I was weakened. I was sleep deprived, emotionally drained, and physically exhausted from cradling the baby for three days and nights. There seemed to be no physical reason for her sleeplessness or hysterics. Finally, on that third night, I laid her in bed and stood outside her bedroom door, listening to her cry. I got down on my knees and prayed to the Lord. I praised Him and exalted Him. I thanked Him for my beautiful children and my safe home. And then I cried out to Him for His mercy - to console my inconsolable child - to quiet her cries and soothe her to sleep.

I expected Him to answer my prayer. I anticipated His divine intervention, and I waited on His action. Nothing happened. No miracle that I called for manifested. No prayer I cried out was answered.

As I stood in the hallway - tired and crying - I began to feel insignificant. Since God wasn’t answering my prayer, I felt unimportant, I felt my prayers were not worthy of answer, I felt I did not deserve a miracle, I felt God didn’t even notice me that night. It is CRAZY the things that can go through your head when you are sleep deprived. Because this is what I know - I know God loves me. “We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) I know God hears my prayers. “Do not be afraid...your prayer has been heard.” (Luke 1:13) I know I am important to God. “And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30)

These are the moments in life that you have to know that you know, that you know, that you know, that you know the truth. Your faith has to be based on truth. The truth of who God is. The truth of what Jesus did. There are going to be many tests of your faith, but God has said, “Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) If my faith was based on feelings I could easily be persuaded that God was not real because I have never felt His physical presence. It would be easy for me to accept that salvation based on grace was not possible because that just doesn’t seem fair.

Scripture commands us to know our faith. Meditate on what scripture says.

“Be still and know that I am God;” (Psalm 46:10 emphasis mine)
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32 emphasis mine)
“so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.” (Luke 1:4 emphasis mine)
“I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD.” (Jeremiah 24:7 emphasis mine)

Scripture does not say “be still and feel that I am God,” it doesn’t say, “so that you may feel the certainty of the things you have been taught.” Knowing involves understanding as fact or truth, perceiving clearly and with certainty. Knowing something means it is established in the mind or memory. (Dictionary.com) Strong’s Concordance reveals that to know something you must recognize, admit, acknowledge, and confess it! There is an obvious omission of the term feel or sense. I think this is because emotions are so powerful. Our faith cannot be based on feelings. Feelings change, but God does not.


Now, in the objective presence of daylight and sleep, I can clearly and confidently say that God heard my prayer that night. Why He did not answer with a “yes,” I do not know. Perhaps He wanted me to spend some very real time on my knees in prayer, or maybe He knew that my baby needed some one on one bonding time with her mama. Had He granted my petition that night, I would not have been prompted to hold my baby in my arms for hours, nor would I be forced to reconcile my feelings to the facts now. I do know that God has a very real and specific plan for my life. He loves me and has never left me. Sometimes I may feel separated from God, but I know that nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:38 paraphrase).



Dearest Lord,

You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. My feelings may change, but Your character never changes. Thank you for Your word so that I can study Your character and Your promises, and I can ground my faith in the truth. I also thank you for the Holy Spirit to give me support and direction along the way.

You are Holy and worthy to be praised!

In Jesus’ name I pray.