love dare - journal entry day 27

Oh, Day 27, how you mock me. I think this chapter was written just for me. It certainly hit hard in all the wrong (right) places. 

• I have unrealistic expectations that breed disappointment.
• I raise my expectations (yes, past the unrealistic ones), and when Allen fails I am frustrated.
• I criticize and condemn about all the specks in Allen's eyes (and there are many, just ask me (eye roll)), and I look right past the big ol' honkin' log(s) in my own.
• I impose my personal goal-oriented, high demands on Allen, and instead of "fixing" himself, he rebels.
• I am not a great encourager. (And while Allen has told me that numerous times, I'm just now getting it.)

Ugh. I do not like this at all. I don't like being vulnerable and putting all my flaws here in black and white. I don't like being so "messed" up. I don't like being slapped in the face by a book. But, more importantly, I don't like the way I must make Allen feel at times (okay, a lot of the time).

So, today's dare is to "eliminate unrealistic expectations from our home." How do I do that? Yes, I have expectations, but I guess I never considered that they were unrealistic. The ending reflection paragraph states,

"When you place high expectations on your spouse that they don't feel internally motivated to attain, what does that tell you about yourself?"

What does that tell me about myself? Naturally, I think it tells me that I have a goal-oriented mindset that holds people to a high level of accountability that does not consider mediocrity acceptable. But, clearly that is wrong - as Day 27 of The Love Dare so painfully pointed out.

I am off now to ponder Day 27, and read Day 28. Yes, I am doubling up - I am already behind...again.